MVS Racing Humor

You might be a racer if ..."

- You think the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.

- You take your helmet along when you go to buy new eyeglasses.

- You feel compelled on a road trip to beat your previous best time.

- You are happiest when your street car's tires are worn to racing depth (wear bars showing).

- When something falls off of your car, you wonder how much weight you just saved.

- You change engine oil every other week.

- You sometimes hear little noises from your passengers when you get on
the throttle right after turning in.

- You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind how to drive around a
highway off-ramp.

- Your racing budget is one of the big three -- mortgage, car payments/maintenance, dating.

- Your email address refers to your race car rather than to you.

- You walk proper lines through the grocery store.

- You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the spares.

- You bought a race car before buying a house.

- You bought a race car before buying furniture for the new house.

- You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture!

- You find that you need a new house because you've outgrown your garage and the neighbors are threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on the street or in the front yard.

- The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in order of importance):
1) Climate controlled garage with an attached shop.
2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a crew cab dualie, a 28' enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th wheel.
3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder.
4) A grease pit.
5) Convenient to a hazardous waste disposal site.
6) Deaf neighbors.
7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
8) Some sort of house with a working toilet and shower on the property somewhere -or- hookups for the motorhome.

- You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of race tires that could have been purchased.

- You sit in your race car in a dark garage and make car noises while waiting for your motor to get back from the machine shop.

- You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.

- Your wife says, "If you buy another set of tires, I'm getting a new mink."

- Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.

- You have enough spare parts to build another car.

- More than one racer supply house recognizes your voice and greets you by name when you call.

- You have car parts in your cubicle at work.

- You think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner is: "Gentlemen, start your engines!"

- If you can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and rested on
weekends.

- You're registered for wedding gifts at Pegasus and Racer Wholesale.

- After your answer to "What did you do this weekend?" the next
question is always: "And you do this for fun? Right?"

- You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.

- Your reading material in your bathroom consists of racing supply catalogs and 400 racecar magazines.

- People know you by your car number, make, and sponsor.

- You talk to other cars on the road, calling them by the manufacturers name.

- Your first date involves asking her to crew for you.

- Your criteria for selecting a significant other include auto repair skills. Air tools optional.

- Your friends don't recognize you without a helmet and driver's suit.

- Your family remembers your hair color as "grease".

- You plan your wedding around the race schedule.

- You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped breaker bar every
other week or so.

- Your family brings the couch into the garage so they can spend some time with you.

- You complain when cars in front of you on highway off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing your exit speed to drop.

- You give out Racer Wholesale's number when a friend asks for the best hardware store.

- You refer to the corner down the street from your house as "Turn One."

- You look at the fire hydrant at that corner and see an apex marker.

- You always late apex the intersection and try to pass a few cars coming out.

- Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line through the turn.

- You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive. Of course, you are the best.

- You can't stand understeer.

- You always want to change something in your street car to make it handle better.

- You will gladly pay up to $8 for a quart of engine oil.

- You hate long distance driving, but you will gladly drive 800 miles to the race track.

- You think that traction control and ABS are for those who can't
drive.

- You've ever tried to convince your wife you needed that flow bench to fix the air filter on her station wagon.

- You save broken car parts as "mementos".

- Your last several freeway forays included just brushing the curbs as you apexed the on-ramps perfectly....

- You've found your lawn mower runs pretty good on 108 octane gas (but
doesn't particularly care for alcohol).

- The local tire shop won't honor the tread life warranty on any car you have been within 50 yards of...

- The shop manager at your local car dealer mutters "dear Lord" under his breath after he sees the size of your exhaust piping.

- The local police and state Highway Patrol have a picture of your car taped to their dashboard.

- You would choose a roll bar over air conditioning if it were an option.

- White smoke coming out from under your tires is a common sight.

- You consider the redline a "conservative suggestion" and the rev limiter "a fun limiter"

- You spend more on insurance premiums than on food.

- Your idea of a good time is sitting around figuring out gear ratios and the ideal final drive ratio for given situations.

- When someone asks where you went to school, you reply, "Buck Baker's".

- You have racing shops programmed on on your speed dialer.

- You own five cars and only one of them is street legal.

- You know the 1/4 mile times and skid pad numbers of your riding mower and
want to improve them.

- You've embarrassed your significant other at least once by insisting on wearing your full face helmet while driving.

- You know the "racing line" of every turn in your daily commute, including
your alternate routes, and practice hitting them every day.

- You quote your street tire wear life in weeks rather than miles.

- You regularly live test your rev limiter on that straight that's a little too long for 2nd but not worth going into 3rd for.

- You've started looking for sponsors for your daily commute.

- After you tell your wife where you'd like to go on your vacation she
answers: "Why... is there a race there?"